I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there's a green rush going on right now. You can't enter public space without taking note of hybrid cars, reusable cloth grocery bags, more people riding bikes and countless other things that scream "GREEN!" The Pittsburgh City Paper's April 24th cover story was a very interesting article on recycling: it's pro's and con's, and how being "green" has become huge, and even profitable. Meanwhile, food prices are rising around the globe, sparking riots in Haiti and other impoverished places where people can no longer afford to buy rice and other staples. Costco, Sam's Club/Wal-Mart and a couple of other giant chain stores have began withholding their supplies of rice, which is in my opinion both obnoxious and abhorrent, because it only serves to frighten people and drive demand, and ultimately the price, even higher. But I digress

An April 21st article on CNN.com discussed mom's making their own laundry detergent as well as starting backyard vegetable gardens to shave money off their trips to the grocery store. I'd call this being frugal, thrifty, economically and ecologically intelligent. Those homegrown tomatoes are also probably fresher, healthier, and better tasting than whatever I can get at Giant Eagle too!

Just a few weeks before the aforementioned article, doublethink practitioners at CNN ran an afternoon news story stating that we may be entering a recession because people are becoming "too green conscious." According to this report, hybrid cars are cutting into profits for gas stations and oil companies. Grocery chains have been discouraging "double-bagging" and instead are selling re-usable cloth grocery bags, resulting in fewer petroleum-based plastic bags being used, again undercutting oil's profitability. Furthermore, people are using less water, shutting off lights when they leave rooms, not driving when they don't have to and generally, in their day-to-day lives, being less wasteful in an effort to curb global warming. The result is they're also spending less on, and receiving less crap they don't actually need. I can't even bare to think of the hard times befalling grocery stores because of those selfish mothers who are growing their own vegetables!

Basically, nevermind the housing crisis; It's the fucking hippies! - EVERYBODY PANIC! SPEND! SPEND! SPEND! BUSINESS AS USUAL! ALL IS WELL!!!

Personally, I think this report is the biggest load of scare-mongering crap I've seen on a major news network and it reminds me why I look to foreign news agencies to find out anything about what's going on in my own sorrowful country. Yes, I will admit that it makes sense in a way. It's basic economics that we all learned in high school. People are spending less on things that they don't actually need, and when enough people spend less, that eternal flow of money, like an ocean current, slows down. Just like when the Atlantic jet stream slows, there are consequences for areas that depend on that flow of warm water, or in this case, for those who depend on that flow of cash.

I've always considered not being wasteful a good thing. Old clichés such as "waste not, want not" come to mind. Yet now we have CNN telling us, essentially, that whatever we're doing to curb ecological waste is what is hurting the economy.

If you waste less, you spend less... and that's bad for business. So do your part to keep America in the black and open those wallets, break the bank with those tax refunds (plus $300 to $600), double and even triple-bag your single cup of "Cherry Garcia", leave your lights on and keep your water running at all times... Hell open up the fridge door and see if you can't air condition your entire house with it. While you're at it, for Gods sake, load up the kids into the family's brand new all-wheel drive, five ton urban assault vehicle and take a nice long Sunday drive! Why not stop at McDonalds for a happy meal or six on the way? Your kids could stand to gain a few pounds anyhow, they've been eating too many home grown pesticide-free veggies.

Oh, if I only had the determination to go build myself a compound in the woods to spend the rest of my days. Sadly, I'm not antisocial enough to live in seclusion; I'd end up like Hunter S. Thompson. And if that didn't get me, I'd lose out to a stupid mistake like Chris McCandless.