Zevidence is one of the newest bands to come out of the Atomic Family, and one of the strangest. Their new album, "Live Forever or Die Trying" is a genre-bending journey of comedic metal; no two songs sound the same, and the members of the band are just as unusual. When we asked Professor Murder and KillKillKill!!! if we could interview them for the new online zine, they responded with a series of threatening emails essentially stating that they had better things to do than to show up for an interview. We would have to send someone to them.

As it turns out, I am that someone. Sitting down with Professor Murder and KillKillKill!!! was an intimidating prospect, but one that I thought could be fun and interesting. I must say that after being greeted at the door with distrust, and frisked for weapons or video recording devices, my apprehensions were not put at ease.

Subatomic: Okay guys, first off, what are your influences?
KillKillKill: Girls.
Subatomic: Girls? Just in general?
KillKillKill: Mainly the loose ones.
Subatomic: What about you, Professor? What are your influences?
Prof.Murder: Whiskey, pot and cocaine. Acid and psychedelic psilocybin mushrooms... Um, every once in a while pills or opium. Also Body Count and Ministry.
Subatomic: Okay well forget about that. Is your name meaningful?
Prof.Murder: Is my name meaningful? Wait, my name or the name of the band?
Subatomic: The band. Zevidence.
Prof.Murder: Of course it's meaningful. It's the word we use to refer to both of us at the same time.
KillKillKill: Yeah, it's very important.
Prof.Murder: That was a stupid fucking question, ask another one.
Subatomic: KillKillKill!!!, who is your greatest inspiration on drums?
KillKillKill: Probably... Well, it's not so much a drummer in particular as much as it's the overall lack of drummers in the world. They tend to be dickheads and hard to work with, so I figured I should start playing drums.
Subatomic: Oh, I see. So you mainly started playing drums so you wouldn't have to deal with drummers? Interesting.
KillKillKill: No, I started playing drums because I'm a dickhead and I'm hard to work with. Also, I draw a lot of my inspiration from every fight I've ever been in. Playing drums is kind of like being in a fight.
Subatomic: Professor, what is your favorite song on "Live Forever or Die Trying"?
Prof.Murder: The secret track.
Subatomic: Wait, there's a secret track?
Prof.Murder: I can't tell you that.
KillKillKill: It wouldn't be a secret then.

(At this point, they both looked at each other and started laughing. I had had enough.)

Subatomic: You know what, this is bullshit! You two are total assholes!

(KillKillKill!!! chuckles. Professor Murder shrugs his shoulders.)

KillKillKill: Yeah...
Prof.Murder: You're all uptight, dude. I think you need a little of this.

(Professor Murder procured a sandwich bag filled with a green substance, and after a little cajoling, I acquiesced to the idea that we should take a break.)

15 minutes later:

Subatomic: Okay, okay, shut up... Now Professor Murder, if a bear and a shark got into a fight, who would win?
Prof.Murder: ...Well, where are they?
Subatomic: Space.
Prof.Murder: Space?
Subatomic: Space. Totally level playing field.
Prof.Murder: In that case, the bear.
Subatomic: The bear, really?
Prof.Murder: Assuming they can breathe and such, not freeze to death...
Subatomic: Of course.
Prof.Murder: ...they have no leverage. They can't really affect their movement through space, so they'd both have to wait until they chanced to bump into each other. Under those circumstances, the bear would be the obvious winner because it can grab the shark, it can use the shark itself for leverage and maneuver itself around the shark in whatever way necessary to avoid the shark's teeth and therefore attack at its leisure.
Subatomic: Interesting...
KillKillKill: Only idiots choose the shark.
Subatomic: Hey, I would’ve chosen the shark.
Prof.Murder: Are you fuckin’ kidding me!?
KillKillKill: A shark can’t do a goddamn thing unless you’re in front of it! If they touch each other, the bear wins!
Subatomic: Sorry! Sorry! Do you have the bowl?
KillKillKill: What kind of question is that?
Subatomic: Not for the interview, I’m just asking you.
KillKillKill: Oh! You are totally gone, man.
Prof.Murder: This is fucking ridiculous.

(Professor Murder snatches my notepad away.)

Prof.Murder: You haven’t been writing questions or answers down. You’ve just been drawing trees!
Subatomic: I told you I’m a lightweight.

(They both bust into hearty laughter. I follow soon after.)

Subatomic: Okay okay, alright, here’s a question. A serious question by god... Is it a homogenous substance?
KillKillKill: What, gun powder?
Subatomic: No, Zevidence.
KillKillKill: You’re fuckin’ broken, boy.

(I suddenly start laughing and can’t stop.)

Subatomic: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You might have to finish the interview without me!
KillKillKill: Fine! Professor Murder, do you get laid pretty much all the time?
Prof.Murder: And then some! You?
KillKillKill: You know it!
Prof.Murder: Okay it’s my turn. Is sixteen too young?
KillKillKill: Fuck no! As soon as they’re old enough to crawl they’re in the right position!

(The duo succumbs to the giggles as Professor Murder stands up and heads into the bathroom. I hear him snort three times in quick intervals, before the sound of piss hitting the water in the toilet reaches my ears. When he reemerges he is energized and composed.)

Prof.Murder: C’mon, ask me another one.
Subatomic: Me?
Prof.Murder: Sure, either of you, I don’t care.
Subatomic: Let me think... How heavy is your music?
Prof.Murder: Heavier than a fucking black hole.
Subatomic: Will Zevidence ever play live?
Prof.Murder: Not until we go platinum.
KillKillKill: Not until Jesus himself returns to the Earth and starts a record label exclusively so that he can put out our album.

I don't remember much of anything after that.